Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Reid Flair Busted for Heroin. Fucking HEROIN!

This just in: Wrestlers are horrible, horrible parents.

Holy shit, is there some new Observer award for Biggest Fuckup Wrestling Child that Herbert Meltzer is keeping on the down low?

Reid Flair (shootname: Fleihrr or some shit), not to be outdone by The Hulkster's vapid, embarrassing spawn, turned that shit up to 11 by being ON SMACK. I mean fuck, it was some stiff competition. Nick Hogan turned a war veteran into a vegetable with a moon crater on his forehead, Hogan's other son is a tranny, but surely there had to be some intermediary step that could have outdone Hulk's kids' transgressions without going all the way into Artie Lange territory. God damn, Reid, baby steps, dude. Nobody in fake fighting goes all the way to The H. Word is Ted DiBiase Jr. is busy studying Mein Kampf to try to figure out how to top this shit.

While Reid's drug of choice is a surprise (seriously, heroin? There were no other options? Christ, Dean Malenko is surely tight with your dad and he was hooking up Benoit on the daily), it's no shock how this all turned out. I don't even want to think about how this dude grew up. Seriously, what the fuck is going on here:


I don't know who is who's mom in this picture, who the girlfriends are, maybe daughters, all 3? Dad is right there, all sweaty, clearly fucked up, and FUCK LOOK AT THAT EYE. Man oh man, this is just one night of this kid's existence, picked at random, and it's already some fucked up shit. Did they swing together an hour after this shot was taken? I bet Reid is so fucked up in this pic that he's wondering which of these three old ladies he's going to fuck first. Man, the shit Reid must have seen growing up. Fuck drugs, I want to know what the crawl space under Reid's house looks like. He probably has a Vietnamese transient's head in his freezer.

6-3-94 will update this story with any pertinent details. We hear that Reid has been taken into custody and may have already joined the Aryan Nation for protection in prison. Prison officials are anticipating some five star shivvings and anal rape all night long.

2 comments:

  1. The thing this made me wonder about is that smack seems to be the only drug in the world wrestlers don't do. They do coke, speed, downers, roids, every other opiate in existence, GHB, they smoke pot by the bushel, Juvi Juice ran wild on acid in public, but you never hear about wrestling junkies. I mean it's a good idea to draw the line there, but still, wrestlers have historically never been good at line-drawing.

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  2. more disturbing than his eye is the way he has sweat through that t-shirt

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