Thursday, April 23, 2009

Guest Columnist: Larry King

It's weird, becoming IWC famous makes strange bedfellows. SOmehow, old jew ass Larry King found out about our blog (I know, weird right?) and wanted to post a column. He personally e-mailed me this column and told me he'd want nothing more than to be featured on the 6394 blog and I can't deny him because he's like 400 years old and will die any day now, so there's a good chance we may have the last words Larry King will ever write, and they're about WRESTLING! -- editor

Welcome to the Larry King section of today's USA TODAY, er..., I mean, the 6-3-94 website thingy. I'll be periodically posting some thoughts on wrestling, MMA, being married seven times, and British girl groups.

*That John Cena's gonna go places, mark my words.

*You know who doesn't get enough credit for innovation in wrestling? S.D. Jones. The man made losing an artform.

*I met Steve Austin last week for brisket and brewskis. He says he's going to stay away from wrestling for the foreseeable future to really devote himself full-time to domestic violence.

*How about that Bobby Lashley? I think he's making a huge mistake by picking a fight with Bob Sapp. I mean, who's going to pay to see a WWE washout against an NFL washout?

*My good friend Hulk Hogan seems to be in a bit of trouble lately with his Rolling Stone interview. He's only saying what we've all thought at some point in time: vitamins and prayer DO lead to a healthier and longer life.

*You know who I wish I saw more of? Chris Benoit. What ever happened to that guy?

*I was taking in a ball game with Chance and Cannon and who do I see but Dale "The Demon" Torberg? An absolute gem of a worker who never got the push he deserved.

*When I was growing up, the neighborhood kids idolized Crusher Casey and Lou Thesz. Why can't my kids look up to this current spate of great grapplers like Cute Kip and Santino Marella?

*Regis Philbin and I were at the Spearmint Rhino in Vegas taking in the sights last month, and we were greatly entertained. The period architecture is fantastic!

*Shawn is in the other room yelling at me to plug Garlique and Welch's Grape Juice. Done and done!

*David Duke, Guy Kawasaki and I walked into a bar the other day. For some reason, everybody started laughing. We finished our Slow Comfortable Screws against the Wall and left. That's the last time we go to the West Hollywood Manhole for drinks.

*My Latina maid always wears these low-cut dresses when she's mopping up my spills. I don't mean to stare, but I think she likes it by the way she always yells "Chinga tu madre, viejo pervertido!" I have no idea what it means, but I think I get the gist: She appreciates the attention!

*Dana White needs to partner up with Procter and Gamble. I would buy a double-branded Mr. White and Mr. Clean detergent.

*Charlie Haas is the one part of WWE television I can't miss.

*For that matter, I can't get enough of Raisha Saeed. Spicy!

*My handler's are telling me I have to go back to the studios to tape another interview with Sylvia Browne, so I'll wrap this column up. Be sure to watch my show on CNN every weeknight at 9PM, 8PM central.

1 comment: