Thursday, April 23, 2009

MMA News FROM THE FUTURE

Quad Amputee's MMA Debut "Pretty Much What You'd Expect"

Auburn, Ala - The controversial and long-awaited MMA debut of quadruple amputee Kyle Maynard ended in a quick but not wholly unexpected fashion Saturday night. The crowd who filled the Auburn Crafts and Events Center was not exactly stunned at the decisive defeat of this inspirational fighter as his opponent, the previously unknown Alan Johnston, won by a decision a short time into the first round.

Long time MMA writer David Herb Meltzer commented on the spectacle, "it was, ya know, uh, ya know, pretty much, ya know, what you'd, uh expect, ya know, with a fast win by the guy with, ya know, all his limbs. Well, ya know, except for the, uh, flying out of the cage part."

Above: artists's rendering of the event

Johnston, whose FightFinder.com mma record was listed as 1-2, was kept anonymous until the day of the fight, as controversy surrounded the event. Fears about saftey and the event becoming a spectacle proved to be warranted, however, as the contest played out. At the sound of the bell to start the match, Johnston sprinted across the cage and deleivered a fierce kick to the seemingly unprepared Maynard. Anyone could have predicted what would happen next. "The fucking little shit just fucking FLEW out of the cage," said an unidentifed MMA promoter, speaking on the condition of anonymity. "I bet he landed in the lap of some faggot. Or a cunt."

Despite one of the combatants being launched from the fighting surface, a first in the world of mixed martial arts, the bout's official time was 1:23. Referee Steve Mazzagotti seemed confused as to what to do next, frantically watching the stands for Maynard's possible landing spot. "I didn't want to end the fight too early," Mazzagotti later said. "I figured maybe he could get up and walk back in...or, uh, whatever."

In the post fight press conference, Johnston expressed no regrets and thanked his sponsors and his trainer, Sebastian Janikowski, for what he called an amazing camp leading up to the fight.

1 comment:

  1. GET UR REAL GRAPZ OUT OF MY PRO WRES, DUDE.

    ReplyDelete