Saturday, April 11, 2009

n00z Of Honor

Every fledgling wrestling site needs it's share of hot news, and I am here to provide you with all of the week old news you can handle!

Unfortunately, this news has to deal with every shut-in's favorite wrestling promotion, ROH, and I have admittedly only watched around 6 ROH things in my life and most of them I would categorize as "Strongly Homoerotic" so I am not their biggest supporter, but News is News is News...

**Last weekend, 56 year old Jerry Lynn achieved his boyhood dream of winning the ROH championship title. General internet consensus is that Lynn is way too old to be holding a coveted world title that is won in a pre-determined imaginary wrestling fight. These of course are the same fans who wanted to see Ric Flair (who is legit old enough to be Jerry Lynn's grandpa) get "one last run" with the WWE title.

Jerry Lynn celebrating moments after his ROH title win.

Speaking of Flair, has anyone else heard the rumors that a big Hollywood studio is planning on making a Flair biopic? My sources have told me the script's already been written, but they plan on changing Flair's signature Figure Four finisher to a Power Bomb, because Hollywood big shots don't think the common audience would understand the nuances of the Figure Four. Idiots!

**ROH manager/semi-wrestler/lone non-vanilla ROH personality Larry Sweeney has recently declared on his blog that he has ben suffering from a bout with Mental Retardation, also known as bi-polar disorder. The lardos behind the scenes at ROH have decided to Future Endeavor Sweeney, I'm assuming because Batman comic books and Hentai Animes have never dealt with Bi-Polar disorder before, so this is a foreign problem to them:

"In my judgement, the company treated me like a drug addict, not like a person with a medical condition. You see, if somebody shows up drunk or stoned to work and gets caught, then you can suspend or fire them... but in the eyes of the law, in such a crazy world where, because of our modern lifestyles, so many battle with their own types of crazy, well... if any person has a bout with craziness and is seeking care, they by law cannot be treated the same way that you would treat an addict. At least this is what my lawyers have told me.
Cary Silken suspended me from pittsburgh and new york with less than 48 hours notice and did not pay me. Before that, the company shorted me on money for the first tv tapings... then I came to houston and, despite my sobriety and clarity, and willingness to fly myself down on my own dime, I was told that I was not welcome."

This is pretty unfortunate, since Sweeney was pretty good at not being boring and making you forget you were watching Strongly Homoerotic wrestling programming. I PERSONALLY wish him all the best with his Future Endeavors, and ROH can GO SCREW for thinking a mental illness is the same thing as an awesome drug addicition. Fucking closet cases.

**Finally, the most wrestlingest ROH dude ever, Bryan Danielson may be leaving the company soon:

"According to the Wrestling Observer Newsletter, Ring of Honor's Bryan Danielson is looking to pursue a career in Mixed Martial Arts when his ROH contract expires in May. The American Dragon has been training five hours a day at the Xtreme Couture in Las Vegas, and plans to continue his training in Thailand this summer."

Nerds on the internet are speculating a lot of nonsense about this whole mess. The most hilarious would be that Danielson is freeing himself up to get a WWE contract, as if WWE is scouring the globe looking for 5' 5" dudes who know a lot of wrestling holds and how to do european uppercuts properly. I don't think anyone believes he is actually entering MMA or anything. There has been no followup on whether or not Danielson knows that MMA isn't a fixed sport.

That's all for now!

1 comment:

  1. Oh no! People are talking about their hobby!

    Fact is that the WWE tends to hire the most solid and reliable workers, and Danielson is possibly the most solid and reliable guy not in WWE right now. If anything, his main gig could be trainer.

    (ps. I comment here because I like discussing wrestling. Masochism is only a secondary motivation.)