WWE Mourns Loss of Writer

(Badstreet, U.S.A.) - WWE Smackdown head writer Michael "P.S." Hayes was found dead at his home, located at the end of the block in the "Badstreet" section of Atlanta, G-A this morning. Details are sketchy at this time, but friends of the deceased Freebird tell 6-3-94 that Hayes became despondent after the WWE draft.

"After the Mark Henry thing and the suspension and rehab, I thought Michael had turned a corner," said surviving Freebird Buddy "Jack" Roberts. On April 23, 2008, Hayes was suspended for 60 days following alleged racist remarks made toward the former Olympic strongman, known at times in WWE as "Sexual Chocolate," "The Silverback," and "That Black Fuckin' Moulie Jigaboo Monkey." It was alleged that Hayes' penchant for inappropriate comments toward blacks, half-castes, mulattoes, and octaroons had something to do with Bobby Lashley's departure from WWE as well. Despite his high pitched voice and lack of gimmick regarding theft, dancing, or having an abnormally hard head, Lashley is, in fact, an African American.

Roberts continued, "I guess after the draft, what with all the darkies and spics sent to Smackdown, Michael just couldn't take anymore. Dolph Ziggler was the last straw. I did my best to explain that it's just a spray-on tan, but Michael wouldn't hear it."

When reached for comment, Bobby Lashley responded, "lolololololol."

We at 6-3-94 send our thoughts (no prayers) to Hayes' family, his white coworkers, his dealer, and surviving Freebirds Roberts, Jimmy Jam Garvin, and Brad Armstrong Under a Hood as Fantasia.