No justice in this world

Misawa, the man who was the very essence of work rate, dies in the ring. Meanwhile, Tommy Dreamer not only continues to live but is now holding the 15th most important belt in the pro wrestling world. Someone stop the planet, I want off.

Review of PURO Match

Hey guys, I was at the DVDVR board the other day and went mad downloading some PURO matches. I found this little gem hidden deep in the cavities of the board and decided to share.

Shin Nihon Puro Resuinga~! Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Tamaoki Honma

Honma is a boy who became a man through pain and blood loss, with his blood and sweat leading him to where the big boys play; Shin Nihon Puroresu! Shinsuke Nakamura is the hot young star that New Japan has been looking for, praying for and hoping to find for years now. Unlike the greased and underwear clad Honma who hides nothing, including those intriguing scars, Nakamura is a bit more of a showman, wearing a red satin robe to the ring before stripping down to unveil his milky yellow body.

Homna, clearly the better oiled of the two plays the domme early on as he lays into Shinsuke with his leather, right into some breathplay as he uses his shiny leather boot on Nakamura's throat. Nakamura tries to fight back a bit, but Honma puts him in his place slamming him nice and hard a few times. Nakamura after a little bit more grinding decides that he can play rough too. He quickly has Honma down on all fours and begins to really give it to him before letting him up only to punish him with a few knees for his disobedience. It was all foreplay for him until he quickly mounted him from behind and wrapped his arm around Honma's throat, choking him until he was ready to explode like a twelve year old altar boy. Just as it was getting really rough Honma reached out and with an exasperated gasp grabbed out for the safety, unable to mutter the safeword.

Nakamura is displeased with his submissive's lack of dedication and relents, only to kick him a few times for the embarrassment he brought upon both of them. Honma is no longer willing to play nice as he begins to fight back, which is only whetting Nakamura's appetite more right now. Honma continues to throw Nakamura around a bit before placing his heaving chest on Nakamura's, pinning him down while the referee pounds out twice before Nakamura comes to his senses. After Honma attempts to punish him some more, Nakamura quickly gets him with a reach-around, Honma unsure of how to react finds himself face down on the mat again with Nakamura on top of him. Nakamura is sick of playing around with him, as he hoists him up onto his milky shoulders, Honma's oil dripping down his chest, and slamming him as hard as he can, before sitting on Honma's battered face and hoisting up his legs as the referee pounds Honma out.

After the encounter, there is a feigned handshake before a gang of men come out and begin to pound away on the defenseless Honma. One thing is for sure, his ass will be sore in the morning after the boys in the back are done with him!

Did You Guys Miss Me? A: I'm Sure!

Hey everybooooody, it's me!

It's your host with mostest, Bobby Lashley! Wasn't that pay-per-view something? When Kurt Angle was so excited to see me I knew I made the right choice! I know some of you were disappointed I wasn't Taz but I ask you, and in all seriousness, why?

I myself was disappointed that Taz was not from Tasmania and he didn't spin around furiously in a circle when he went to the ring. Talk about buyer: beware!

I am glad that all you speculators have found out the truth and that I am not giving up my dream to be in Mumma and that I am training like Jon Hamm (get it? MAD MAN!) to fight in the real world!

I'd also like to clarify the rumors that I am on the juice? A: Sure! I'm on the juice....kick! That's right, me and my darling Kristal have opened a smoothie chain!

I have asked my friend Paul Heyman, who is super duper good at hiding weaknesses and accentuating strengths, for advice to run the smoothie.

He suggested that we capitalize on the vampire phenomenon and make one of our drinks blood-red. He also suggested that Humberto, our juicemaker, to never face the customers, for his eczema will hurt our business. Thanks Paul!

Now, it seems to me that a bunch of other pro wrestlers are jumping on the Mumma bandwagon and have decided to train in meeky freeky mixed martial arts. American Dragon Bryan Danielson is one of them. Let me tell you, brother, you're in for a world of hurt. Firstly you start missing your friends like TGK (The Great Khali for all you marks). One time I had the pleasure of watching him bang a rat and let me tell you was it a blast! His thingy looked like Joe Camel was vomiting horchata! At least he has a new manager, the bassist from No Doubt. It's a match made in heaven because that guy wrote the song "Don't Speak", right? lOLOL

Secondly, it's OUCH CITY when they hit you for real! I'm used to it now and your DNA starts flowing like the Titanic (It makes me feel alive!) but let me tell you the first time it's like if Reality wrote a check to Bobby "Blastmaster" Lashley (Get it? REALITY CHECK!). After one training, I had an booboo that looked like the bumpies on Kristal's poontang!

But there are perks, like not working with Vince McMahon and JBL and those mean dudes! American Bryan let me tell you I wish you the best of luck!

I am looking forward to working with TNA because they give me the freedom to do the real world fighting and it's the best of both worlds. But let me tell you right now Jeff Jarrett I will be ready to take you down and all my little Lashley Kids will have my back you bet your ass! Same goes to Bob Sapp. There can only be one Bobby in the universe! And who will it be? A: That's ME!!

Wrestling Has Always Been Stupid

Recently, Joey Babbysack wrote about how disgraceful the current WWE product is, how disrespectful to the legends of the business. John Cena, it seems, doesn't respect the boys in the back enough. He makes a laughingstock of men who were serious athletes and amazing performers. Would Ric Flair wear a belt with a spinner? Would Lou Thesz? Of course not! These were men. Serious men.

Lou Thesz may have wrestled a bear, but dammit, he made that bear respect the business. Ric Flair may have been a comedy performer, filling every match with goofy pratfalls and occasionally showing his ass (literally), but he did it respectfully.

At least this seems to be Babbysack's unironic contention, seemingly unaware that wrestling has always been intended for eternal adolescents and the mentally retarded. Wrestling is stupid, disposable and throw away entertainment. It has been for years. No one has ever taken it seriously and noone ever will. It is inherently ridiculous, filled with pumped up gays pretending to fight and sneering at each other and the audience.

Not only that, but your legends are all whores. Lou Thesz would have worn the Spinner Belt, done the job for Chyna, and kissed Vince's ass. Because he was a phony and a money grubbing jackass. They all are. These are your heroes Babbysack. These are your heroes.

Wade Keller: Aging Queen

Dear Wade,

Hey bro. First off congrats on the kid and the whole coming out thing. Good on ya, man. Now, to business. I have watched on from a distance for the last several years as you have continued to slip further and further into irrelevancy. Your website looks as if it were put together by a couple of 18 year old ITT-Technical Institute students. Your stable of contributors has devolved into a list of dudes who are more than likely registered sex offenders. Do you still do a news letter? How's that working out for you? Is Pat McNeil as big of a douche in real life as he is on the internet? What about Caldwell? Anywho, look bro, we're in a recession. Things in the formerly lucrative grapz n00z world (lol) can't be going as great as they used to. You lived high on the hog for the last decade, but the boom days are done, son. Have you ever thought about life post-internet reporting/copying Dave? You have a child now, homie. You have a responsibility. Do you have a day job? Lemme guess, Orange Julius? Kinkos? You really ought to start thinking about the future.

If I may be so bold, allow me to make a suggestion: Vegan cooking show. It's money and you know it. You can even have your significant other join you! You can do a sort of Tim Taylor/Al Borland dynamic, only you guys are in love and have silly little disputes on air. I stand to gain zilch by offering you this advise. You have everything to gain. Think about it, dude. Think about it.

Wade Keller

This blog uses the word "faggot" a lot.  We don't use this word to impugn actual gay people.  Gay people are great. Recently Pro Wrestling Torch Editor Wade Keller came out of the closet, sharing pictures of his creepy boyfriend and beautiful new baby.  Nothing but love for Keller and his brave stance, facing homophobia head on in a very insular and immature online community.

Wade Keller, the brave and proud gay man is O.K. in my book. But Wade Keller, the guy who writes the Torch?  That dude is still a faggot.

6-3-94: What it Means to Me

If you don't know what the date 6/3/94 represents to wrestling fans, you should probably flee now.  This is the wrong blog for you.  You're better off thinking it is simply the day they debuted the bikini in Paris, or the day Kennedy met with Krushchev Khrushchev in Vienna. 

If the date is one that is special in your heart, if it leads you to host a gathering you call "King of Steaks VII" you are probably irredeemable.  This blog is for you. 6-3-94 is for you.  

6-3-94 is more than simply the greatest wrestling match of all time.  It symbolizes a way of thinking about wrestling.  This is no mere sports entertainment! These men are athletes!  Skilled performers!  Extraordinary story tellers!  And damn tough too!  It is the pinnacle of wrestling as an art form, unencumbered by the silly theatrics and horrible hillbillies that populated the pseudo sport in years past.

Not only did two men, Toshiaki Kawada and Mitsuharu Misawa, prove wrestling was legitimate art; they also paved the way for a new breed of pundit- the wrestling scholar. Professional wrestling was no longer the refuge of toothless rednecks, blacks, retards, and children.  It had to be analyzed and only the smartest of the smart could decipher the complex stories being told by the brain dead Terry Gordy and the drug addled Steve Williams.   And like that, the smark was born.  

Later, we would learn the human cost of these great achievements in theatre.  Chris Benoit would be tragically killed, perhaps at his own hand, perhaps by those jealous of his workrate?  The world would never be sure, but either way, the cost was too high.  The men who created the great match were themsleves victims of their own excess.  Misawa is concussed to the point his brain will not allow his face to make a single expression.  What was once thought off as an admirable stoicism is now recognized as brain damage.  His opponent, Toshiaki Kawada, is reduced to performing in the kind of circus he once loathed-sports entertainment.  Could there be a higher cost for a once proud man?

Worse, many of the hardcore fans have moved on to Mixed Martial Arts a brand of fighting that allows you to watch roided up numbskulls beat on each other harder than the pro wrestlers ever did.  Others have recognized wrestling's true genius is in the over the top theatrics of Ric Flair dropping an elbow on his own suit jacket or Scott Hall drunkenly slurring to the world "Hey Giant, that's your cue."  Only a select few continue to watch with a keen eye, doling out star ratings and insisting that they do it better in Japan, or Memphis, or in the pissed soaked streets of Tijuana.

This blog is for you.

This blog is about you.

Faggot.

Wrestling Observer letters never fail to make me cringe but this shit is straight up disgusting. Wrestling fans are constantly trying to find comparisons between the real world and this gay fake shit. Checking any wrestling board you will see movie discussions with wrestling terminology thrown in. Hey faggots movie villains are not heels. Anyway off we go into the suck:


Dave, As you know, today has been a trying time for the Angels family, with the sudden and shocking death of one of our young pitchers, Nick Adenhart in a car accident.

R.I.P.


Earlier today, the decision to postpone tonight's game was decided by MLB, the Angels and A's. I firmly believe it was the right decision. In fact, I cannot argue it the other way.

No shit bro.


It made me think back to the Owen Hart incident

LOLOLOL WHAT! Owen Hart was killed doing a stunt before his fake fight, Adenhart was killed by a drunk driver far away from the arena. The only similarity I can see is they both got 'hart' in their names.

Vince's decision to continue with the show, because "that's the way Owen would have wanted it." While I may have bought into that years ago, knowing how I feel today, I cannot express how wrong that decision, albeit in hindsight, really was.

Wait, so you bought into Vince's excuse years ago but are just starting to see that he had other motives that day? Really? You didn't see how fucked up it was until a pitcher died in a freak accident a decade later?

There is NO WAY we could have played a baseball game after what happened this morning. I cannot fathom the thought of cheering on a day like this. Yet, years ago at Kemper Arena, McMahon chose to go on with the show despite a tragedy occuring, not earlier in the day, but right in front of their very fans.

LOLOLOL busted out the caps this guy is SERIOUS NOW!


It is an old topic, and I don't mean to re-hash the past, but I've done a lot of thinking today and this is something that made me think. Life should be more respected than anything else in this world.

It took the death of Owen Hart and Nick Adenhart for this fan to understand the value of life.

Keep up the great work.

Name withheld by request

Shook One PT III.