GAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

I missed the first whatever many minutes of Raw because who cares. So let's pick up from here!
Batista is wrestling Orton's nerds and then because Batista is really dumb, he gets caught by the referee with a cage and gets in trouble for it. ;_;
Maryse is out being awesome, saying some shit in french and then she says "If I wasn't Maryse.... I'd want to be!" which is the best catchphrase ever. She is teaming with whoever against Mickey James and whoever and Mickey James wins and the world is horrible.
Umm, I don't remember. Chavo tricked Vickie and then Michael Cole and the King were in the ring to talk about the pay per view which was very strange.
I missed Carlito versus Brian Kendrick because I was taking the garbage out to the curb but presumably Carlito won. Apparently Ted Dibiase Jr has been beat up badly. I don't know.
The Big Show has come out to witness the EXHIBITION MATCH between the Miz and John Cena. Who even knows what that means. I guess I will find out. brb!
Okay this was awesome actually because the Miz sort of beat up on Cena for a while, then Cena was making his come back and Vickie comes on the big screen and is like CENA YOU CAN'T POSSIBLY WIN THIS MATCH IS OVER! and Miz DDTed Cena and then walked away all triumphant.
Randy Orton told Cody Rhodes that he needs to beat up Batista. "You got this," he said to Cody. My guess is that Cody Rhodes does not got this.
Santina is wacky or whatever, I don't know. I can't say I was even in the room for that. I'm sorry. I'm really bad at my job. Todd Martin........... forgive me.
Cody Rhodes proved once and for all that he did not got this as Batista kills him and throws him into the roid cave where presumably he teaches Cody how to gain muscle mass.
Santina beat Beth Phoenix and a lot of fake laughter came from the announcers.
Some midcard crap happens here with MVP and Regal and whatever.
Oh god listen... This show was just brutally boring and I so don't care to finish this recap. Raw sucks so bad right now, nothing interesting happens ever. At least in Impact, you know something really stupid is going to happen. What a worthless fucking show.